The Art of Selling: Part 1 - Mindset

If we observe closely, a person’s environment is closely related to their personality and way of thinking. Furthermore, a person’s upbringing in a familial context also has a profound impact on their development into adulthood.

Our childhood experiences have influenced how we think, feel, and behave as adults. Psychologists widely agree that childhood lays the foundation for personality, emotional regulation, and social functioning.

However, if we recognise our shortcomings and identify the flaws within our being from childhood, upon addressing these, we can reprogram our minds to be better at sales. 

Mindset Issues - How to Overcome These to be Better at Sales

In psychology, early experiences of rejection or criticism can create “rejection sensitivity,”. In psychology, this refers to the tendency to interpret neutral or ambiguous interactions as negative (Downey & Feldman, 1996). 

Cognitive reframing, a key element of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), helps replace the belief “I’ve failed” with “This is feedback I can learn from.”

Many salespeople operate under fixed assumptions, such as “I’m not persuasive” or “This client will never buy.” By consciously reframing these beliefs into growth-oriented statements — for example, “I can learn to communicate value more effectively” — individuals can strengthen their behaviour. (Davidson & Begley, 2012). 

 Building internal self-worth, rather than relying on external validation, further strengthens resilience. Gradual exposure to rejection — such as making additional calls or seeking feedback — helps desensitise fear responses, while therapeutic practices like mindfulness or schema therapy address deeper emotional wounds. 

This brings us to the next critical trait shaped by childhood - trust.

A person who has developed trust during their childhood is more likely to form authentic connections, display empathy, and build rapport easily — all critical skills in sales. They are comfortable being open, and they expect cooperation from others.

In essence, the inability to trust others often mirrors an inability to trust oneself — leading to hesitation in decision-making, self-doubt, and difficulty maintaining consistency.

A lack of trust doesn’t just affect relationships — it affects mindset. People who expect betrayal or failure often adopt a defensive or scarcity mindset, focusing on protection rather than growth and development.

They may struggle to see collaboration as mutually beneficial, which limits innovation and success.

However, the pattern isn’t fixed: developing self-trust with emotional awareness and positive social experiences can gradually rebuild one’s capacity to trust others.

Through self-awareness — understanding your own thought patterns, biases, and emotional triggers — one can programme these to better serve them in sales. As Goleman (1996) explains, emotional intelligence begins with self-awareness, allowing individuals to recognise how their internal states influence behaviour and interactions. 

Growth Mindset vs Fixed Mindset

With mindset training, individuals can replace self-limiting patterns, such as fixed mindsets, with empowering ones, i.e., growth mindsets.

 Sales professionals who work through their past often develop greater empathy, emotional intelligence, and authenticity — turning former weaknesses into strengths.

If we break it down, the way we think determines the way we feel, and ultimately, the way we act. A salesperson who maintains a constructive growth mindset is more likely to exhibit optimism, persistence, and empathy — traits that enhance client relationships and performance outcomes.

Take, for instance, an estate agent - what they think not only includes their perception of their customer, but of themselves and even their colleagues. If one identifies this, they can notice areas where improvement is needed.  It unlocks our emotions, providing insight into how they behave. 

Behaviour is a key element of sales; what you think of yourself and others determines this.

We can reprogram in the sense of altering our thoughts. Many salespeople fall short due to a particular obstacle - it isn’t the product, the market, or the customer — it’s the narrative in their own mind, i.e. a fixed mindset.

As Kiyosaki (1997) wrote, “The single most powerful asset we all have is our mind.” This statement encapsulates the foundation of success not only in financial literacy but also in personal and professional development — particularly in sales. 

The human mind is the origin of creativity, resilience, and adaptability, the very traits that distinguish exceptional salespeople from average ones. A salesperson’s performance is not merely a reflection of external conditions such as market trends or product quality, but of their internal cognitive framework — their beliefs, attitudes, and interpretations of success and failure.

For instance, a fixed mindset limits potential by equating ability with innate talent, whereas a growth mindset fosters continuous improvement by viewing setbacks as catalysts for growth and development. 

As Dweck (2015) further explains, “Becoming is better than being” — a reminder that success in any domain is the product of evolution, not arrival.

There is a humbling quality to the above quote - the idea that what we are currently functioning, thinking, and acting can be trained. We can almost entertain the idea of self-manipulation to a certain extent.

Mind tricks

Reframe Rejection as Redirection: Every “no” can trigger the brain’s threat response — the same system linked to physical pain. To override this, consciously reframe rejection: instead of “I failed,” think “I’m one step closer to the right client.”

This cognitive reappraisal helps reduce emotional burnout and maintain high motivation.

Mirror and Match Psychology: People subconsciously trust those who are similar to them. By mirroring your prospect’s tone, pace, or body language (gently and naturally), you activate rapport circuitry in the brain.

This trick works because of mirror neurons — brain cells that fire both when we act and when we observe another acting.

“Emotional Labelling”: When a client expresses resistance or hesitation, label their emotion: “It sounds like you’re concerned about the timeline.”

This diffuses tension because the brain feels understood, not opposed. It’s a subtle psychological trick that shifts interactions from confrontation to collaboration — a technique popularised by FBI negotiator Chris Voss.

“Future Self” Trick: When you’re nervous, imagine your future successful self — the version of you who’s already mastered sales — handling the situation with ease.

Before a call or meeting, visualise the conversation going well — see yourself relaxed, smiling, confident, and closing successfully.

This bypasses present fear by borrowing confidence from your future identity, a method often used in sports psychology and leadership coaching.

Final Thoughts

Ultimately, mastering sales is not merely about mastering strategy — it is about mastering oneself. 

The most effective salespeople are not those with the slickest pitch or the flashiest product, but those who have cultivated self-awareness, emotional intelligence, and a resilient mindset. 

Childhood experiences may have shaped how we view rejection, trust, and success, but they do not have to define our future. 

By consciously reprogramming our thoughts — transforming fear into focus, self-doubt into self-belief, and failure into feedback — we begin to unlock the limitless potential of the mind.