How to Handle Criticism and Not Take It Personally

Let me be real with you. Criticism hurts. Someone says something about you, and before they even finish talking, your brain is already like, So, you think I’m stupid, eh?

When I was in school, I remember reading a poem in class. After I finished, one guy said, “Hmm… the poem is fine, but your reading was dry.” I swear, my whole body got hot. That thing pained me the whole day. But looking back, was he lying? No. I actually did sound like someone being forced to read against their will. I just didn’t know how to separate me from the feedback. That’s the real trick.

So, here’s how to handle criticism without turning it into a personal funeral:

1. Don’t Answer in the Heat of the Moment

The first mistake we make is reacting too quickly. Someone says, “This dress doesn’t fit you,” and before they even finish talking, you’ve already clapped back with, “Do you think you’re better than me?” That instant need to defend yourself is natural, but it often makes you miss the actual point. Not every comment needs an immediate response.

Instead, learn to buy time. When your boss tells you, “This report makes no sense,” don’t jump straight into, “But you didn’t even give me clear instructions!” Take a moment. Nod. Say, “Okay, I’ll look into it.” Later, when you’ve cooled down, you can assess whether their point was valid or just nonsense. This trick alone saves you a lot of unnecessary fights.

Even in personal relationships, this works. Your partner might say, “I don’t like how you spoke to me,” and you’re tempted to argue that they’re overreacting. But if you pause, think, and revisit the conversation later, you might realize they had a point.

2. Ask Yourself: Is It True or Just Noise?

Not all criticism is created equal. Some of it is actually useful, and some of it is just people projecting their own frustrations onto you. Your job is to filter it. If your lecturer says your assignment lacked depth, you might need to up your research game. But if your auntie says, “You’ll never marry because you don’t know how to cook banku,” that’s not wisdom; that’s a personal opinion disguised as advice.

A practical way to do this is to look for patterns. If multiple people you respect are saying the same thing, maybe it’s worth paying attention. But if it’s coming from one bitter person who seems to criticize everyone, it’s probably just noise.

3. Focus on the Message, Not the Tone

Some people genuinely don’t know how to package their words. A teacher can say, “This essay is nonsense,” and that’s all you hear. But if you strip away the insult, the real message might be, “Your points are weak; add evidence.” If you only focus on how they said it, you’ll miss what they actually meant.

This doesn’t mean tolerating disrespect, though. It just means training yourself to extract the useful part before deciding what to do with the attitude. Think of it like eating fish: you spit out the bones and enjoy the meat. If you keep biting into the bones on purpose, you’re only hurting yourself.

For example, imagine your boss shouts, “This presentation is rubbish!” Instead of sulking for three days, ask yourself, What exactly made it rubbish? Was it my slides? My delivery? Once you figure that out, you can improve next time.

4. Stop Equating Criticism with Hate

In Ghana, we’ve made it seem like anyone who corrects you is “hating on you.” Sometimes people are not hating. They’re just telling you the truth. If someone says your YouTube video had bad sound quality, it doesn’t mean they don’t support you. It means they actually watched it and want it to be better.

A lot of us would rather hear fake praise than uncomfortable truth. That’s why people blow money on businesses nobody dared to criticize, only to wonder why they failed. Even artists do it. Drop a bad song and when someone says, “This one will not top the charts,” they’ll shout, “You people are enemies of progress!” Meanwhile, it’s just honest feedback.

The moment you realize that criticism is not automatically an attack, life becomes lighter. Some of the best advice you’ll ever get will come dressed in words you didn’t want to hear.

5. Learn How to Ask for Clarification

When someone criticizes you, instead of shutting down or overthinking for days, just ask, “So what exactly do you think I can do better?” You’d be surprised how much more sense the feedback makes when you dig deeper.

For instance, your boss says, “Your report is confusing.” You could get offended and think they’re calling you dumb. Or you could ask, “Is it the layout or the data that’s confusing?” Nine times out of ten, the answer is something simple you can fix.  Suddenly, the conversation becomes constructive instead of personal.

This also shows confidence. People respect you more when you can handle correction without crying or fighting. It says, “I know I’m not perfect, but I’m willing to improve.” And honestly, that’s a power move.

6. Accept That You Will Never Please Everybody

You can kill yourself trying to meet everyone’s expectations and still get criticized. Someone will say you’re too quiet; another will say you talk too much. One person thinks you’re overdressed; another thinks you don’t dress well enough. At some point, you have to pick your battles.

If the criticism is useful, take it and grow. If it’s just noise, block it; mentally or literally. Because at the end of the day, people will always talk, and your job is not to make them all happy. Your job is to keep getting better.

Final Thoughts

Criticism is not the enemy. Sometimes it’s free consultancy. But the moment you start seeing every comment as a personal attack, you’ll never grow. Next time someone says, “This thing you did could be better,” don’t rush to fight them. Pause. Think. Take what you need and leave the rest.